I never thought EMDR therapy was for someone like me. I assumed that because I did not remember having any big “T” trauma in my past or have a PTSD diagnosis that it was for someone else. Throughout my adult years I have found seasons of talk therapy to be very supportive as I have struggled with Anxiety since I was young. But over the past six months I have found more healing and growth within EMDR therapy, combined with the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapeutic approach than any other talk therapy I have experienced.
I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned, share about the benefits and research behind these approaches in hope that someone else might be helped, or feel empowered to seek out help. I’d like to point out that I am not a mental health professional, just someone who has benefited greatly from these resources. So I will rely heavily on links to research and the professionals in this post!
“If talk therapy is like snail mail, then EMDR is like email.”
I can’t find the source for this quote, but I heard it recently and think it is an excellent descriptor of my experience. EMDR is an extremely efficient form of therapy, minimizing the need for “homework” and bringing about not just more self awareness but actual resolve and healing to unhealed traumas or deeply held negative beliefs.
I have found EMDR to be the temporary cast for my healing.
For those reading this from a Christian worldview, as much of my network has been, I know in some perspectives there is a question about the usefulness of therapy or a bit of skepticism. My dad once shared this with me: if your arm is broken, would you go to a doctor to have it assessed and casted? Or would you avoid medical interventions and allow it to heal on its own? I think this idea is wonderful advocacy for researched-based mental health care. I personally have found EMDR to be the temporary cast for my healing.
What is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR or “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing” therapy is a mental health treatment technique. The Cleveland Clinic explains EMDR as a method that “involves moving your eyes a specific way while you process traumatic memories. EMDR’s goal is to help you heal from trauma or other distressing life experiences.” While the approach first began with the use of lights to induce bilateral stimulation for reprocessing traumatic experiences, it has expanded to alternate forms like using vibrating paddles or even simple alternating fast tapping.
EMDR does not erase traumatic experiences, but helps the mind to reprocess them. Nabalia Ismail summarizes, that “EMDR aims to focus on the memory itself, not removing it, but changing the way it is stored in the brain and therefore, reducing the vividness of the traumatic memories.”
EMDR is used to treat a variety of mental health conditions, but can also be used to address deeply held negative self-beliefs, and then install new, positive beliefs. For example: You may spend time reprocessing the negative belief that “I am not enough,” and after reprocessing the various traumatic or unhealed memories in your life related to this belief, you then “install” the positive belief: “I am enough” with the support of your therapist.
Some examples of deeply held negative beliefs could be:
I am not worthy of love
I don’t belong
I am bad or defective
I cannot trust important people in my life
I am not in control / I am in danger
Some examples of Positive Cognitions:
I am worthy of love
I belong
I am good or doing my best
I can choose which important people in my life to trust
I am in control / I am safe
EMDR provides for a much more streamlined and efficient opportunity for healing and recovery than traditional CBT therapies. Because of expanded ways to do EMDR, it is even accessible online now through networks like BetterHelp.
What is IFS Therapy?
I sought out a therapist who was certified in EMDR and IFS therapy after reading a few books by Richard C. Schwartz. His book, You are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, was recommended to me by our marriage therapist and underscores how focusing on our own healing is often the most fruitful way to improve an intimate relationship. Schwartz’ most recent book, No Bad Parts, was also impactful in my choice to find an IFS certified therapist for myself.
In short, Internal Family Systems is a theory that considers the “parts” inside of you to be like a family. Have you seen the Pixar movie Inside Out? This was based on IFS and such a great visual representation.
The research-based approach defines itself like this: “IFS® is a transformative tool that conceives every human being as a system of protective and wounded inner parts lead by a core Self. We believe the mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Just like members of a family, inner parts are forced from their valuable states into extreme roles within us. Self is in everyone. It can’t be damaged. It knows how to heal.”
Inside Out is about a young girl named Riley who moves across the country with her family after a parent gets a new job. The movie dives inside Riley’s brain and personifies different psychological “parts” of herself. We meet Joy, Anger, Disgust, Fear, and Sadness: each Part has its own agenda, ideas, and appearance. In the story, the characters go on a search for Sadness who has vacated her position. We learn that Riley needs Sadness in order to connect with her parents about how difficult the relocation is for her, and that her other Parts were integral in bringing Sadness back. We also see how things go down hill quickly if Parts like Fear or Anger are the only ones in the “driver’s seat.”
While the movie is a simplified illustration for the IFS approach, it provides a helpful look into trying to understand why certain Parts become stuck or frozen in time. IFS certified therapists help you learn about your own Parts, and how each part’s intent is to help protect your core Self. Your core Self is unwounded and whole; but your Parts may cloud or burden your Self, even though they think they are trying to help. As your Parts begin to trust your core Self to lead (in the movie, the core Self is depicted as Joy), you are better able to integrate and walk through life being led by who you truly are… instead of being directed by Anxiety, or Anger, etc.
My Journey with Anxiety
There have been many seasons in my life that I’ve struggled with Anxiety… for me it has stemmed from a variety of complex childhood experiences. What therapy has taught me is that if a present circumstance is triggering distressing emotional symptoms, it is often the body signaling back to the first or most painful experience of that experience from childhood when we were not equipped to process those things on our own.
Anxiety has affected my life in a variety of ways over the years. From not wanting to shoot a basketball in grade school, to pulling out my eyebrows in high school (can laugh about this now…), to experiencing panic attacks, irrational thoughts, or overwhelming ruminations as a mom. And of course we’ve collectively experienced a global pandemic that many are now feeling the negative impact of the isolation and uncertainty we experienced during that time.
From wading through uncertainty to caring for a medically vulnerable child, my own symptoms of Anxiety can flare up. This calls for another whole conversation around our society, caretaking, and social alienation, but I hope to write on those topics another day.
I have never been more helped with mental health distress than through EMDR. For me, Anxiety has been a symptom. As IFS would describe, Anxiety or Fear is a protective Part that is hustling around trying to keep me safe, but it has needed to come to trust my core Self to lead. Being Self led by default is the goal through the healing work of EMDR and IFS. And now after several months, I’m Perfect! (alluding to my Perfect Mom post here)… haha of course not—life is full of hard things, and I am still unlearning and learning how to process through its challenges, but therapy has helped me gain back more access to joy, gratitude, and peace… not just in my mind, but in my body. A regulated nervous system is the best self care!
Thanks for hanging with me as I reflected on a much more serious topic today than 90s nostalgia, and if you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please reach out and ask for help from a professional. You are not alone!